You have to do what is right for yourself.......

It took me a long time to realize that what I was experiencing was abuse in my marriage. I just thought the way I was living was just normal. I had no idea that it was actually  verbal and emotional abuse until the Lord revealed to me. The Lord put different people in my life to try to tell me this. But I just dismissed what they told me. I could not comprehend at the the time what they were trying to tell me.  My husband was upset at me for becoming Catholic. Actually he was more than just upset about that. He became very angry about my choice to be Catholic. He did not want me to be Catholic. This is where the abuse kind of started. I will write more on that later. But becoming Catholic is no reason for someone to be abusive to you or for any other reason.
And there were other times I felt the Lord was preparing me for what I am going through right now. There have been several times in the last 7 years that my husband told me that he wanted to divorce me.  But I could not stand the thought of getting a divorce. When he would say that to me it would put into an emotional state of crying for days and not wanting to leave my house. I wanted my marriage to work. I meant my vows. For better or for worse. But come to find out for worse does not mean letting someone be verbally and emotionally abusive to you. We did go to some counseling but to no avail. So this cycle continued for a long time. Things would be okay for a while then something would happen and it would start all over again.  It was not until this past October that God put a good friend in my path who was strong enough to get in my face and tell me the truth. Actually the Lord put two different ladies in my life to tell me the truth. It finally hit me. I had to leave the situation that I was in. I finally realized my marriage was over and the Lord wanted me to leave. So I started thinking do I really have the courage to leave? Do I have the courage to call a divorce lawyer and file for divorce?  Somewhere I found that courage to do just that. I had read earlier somewhere also "what you are willing to leave behind, will determine what God will bring to you......" So I kept thinking maybe God does have something better for me. But I had to make that decision to leave or not. I then made the decision to leave and whatever happens happens. I had to trust God. I could no longer live the way I was living. The emotional and verbal abuse had just taken it's toll on me. I and was extremely unhappy. So I called a lawyer and started to look at apartments. And there my journey began. Once I acted on the decision I had made God was there opening all the right doors for me. From the lawyer to the apartment. The Lord provided everything. Step by step He was leading me. 
There is a lot more that the Lord has done for me and is still doing for me. Too many things to tell right now. But I am happy where I am now in my apartment. I have strong support of my church and friends. 
I found this print  at the top of my post and bought it. It just spoke to me. I live near the beach and that is another reason why I liked it.  I had to do what is was right for me because no one else is walking in my shoes and no one knows what I have gone through. There are some who don't quite understand my decision and that is okay. As long as I know God is with me leading and guiding me I will be okay. 
This is a song that I love and really encouraged me. It is called "A Glorious Unfolding" by Steven Curtis Chapman. In the song it says "I know this is not anything like you thought your story would be....." I sure did not think that I would end up in and abusive marriage and then leaving after 17 years and starting all over again. I recently showed this video at a retreat that I led. It is just a beautiful song. And it gave me hope. Just listen to it........

Blessings,
Janice